


S6 E7 A Change Is Gonna Come

by JDPostEpisodeChallenge, mlea7675



Series: Josh & Donna Post Episode Challenge [59]
Category: The West Wing
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:26:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26174182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JDPostEpisodeChallenge/pseuds/JDPostEpisodeChallenge, https://archiveofourown.org/users/mlea7675/pseuds/mlea7675
Summary: Josh and Donna find a new way to connect
Relationships: Josh Lyman/Donna Moss
Series: Josh & Donna Post Episode Challenge [59]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1087419
Comments: 1
Kudos: 38





	S6 E7 A Change Is Gonna Come

**Author's Note:**

> written by mlea7675

It was a cold night following the James Taylor concert at the National Medal of the Arts reception, and Josh was walking to his car in the parking lot in the White House. Suffice it to say, he was having a pretty rotten day.

Okay, maybe not a rotten day. A rotten week was more like it.

A seemingly innocuous moment involving President Bartlet had turned into an international problem when it turned out he accepted the Taiwanese independence flag, a flag that was now central to riots. And now, probably because Josh mishandled the situation by encouraging Senator Hunt to speak from the floor, he was off the China trip-effectively on desk duty at the White House.

Josh stopped for a brief moment to pull out his car keys from his wallet. He pulled out his keys and something else, too-an old photo of the Senior Staff. He stood looking at it for a moment, wondering how things could change so much in two years.

Sam was gone, giving up on politics. Leo was retired, and CJ had taken his place. Having CJ in charge had changed the dynamic of their whole relationship. She used to be the big sister of the group, but now it seemed like part of her personality had been unalterably changed by the new Chief of Staff job.

But all of those changes were nothing compared to what had happened in his relationship with Donna.

Donna had changed since she had gotten back from Gaza. Josh stopped, thinking. Had she changed, or was there something holding her back?

He thought about it some more. Yep, something in Donna had definitely changed since she had returned from Germany, and not just physically. She had been withdrawn, distant, jumpy. All the things Josh had been after the shooting…

His head snapped up. Of course, he thought. The answer was so obvious it clobbered him over the head like a baseball bat.

PTSD. Shockwaves went through him, remembering his own battle four years earlier. Then, another memory shot through him:

"Donna's gonna take you to the emergency room.

Donna knows?

She was the one who guessed."

That phrase echoed in his hand. She was the one who guessed. If she had been able to figure it out, why couldn't he when the situation was reversed?

Just then, he was interrupted by a sniffling noise a few cars down. He looked over and was shocked to find Donna, sitting on the ground, looking defeated.

"Donna?! What happened?" He called, running over as fast as he could.

Donna looked up and saw him. Determined not to feed into his pity, she said, "It's nothing. I'll be fine in a minute."

"You don't look fine." Josh replied. He knelt down next to her. "What happened?"

She looked at him and sighed. "My leg gave out, okay? I was so proud of myself for getting through the whole day on my own two feet, then I snapped and yelled at Larry, and right as I was at my lowest point, my leg gave out!"

"Oh." Josh said, suddenly understanding. He had a feeling there was more to her mini-breakdown than that, but he wasn't going to push her. But, all the same, he wasn't about to let her sit on the cold ground all night. "Here, at least let me help you up."

"Josh-"

"Donna, please? I don't want you to have to sit on the ground all night."

Josh held out his hand, and after a tense moment, Donna accepted it and let him pull her up off the ground. She wobbled a little once on her feet, but Josh's steadying hands allowed her to get her bearings. He winced at the angry red scars on her leg and the obviously swollen and tender area, mentally cursing himself for not making sure she took it easier on herself.

"Thanks." she said, smiling softly.

Josh looked around. "Where's your car? I'll walk you over."

"Oh, I...um...took a cab." Donna said.

"Your car's not working?"

"No, it's working fine. I'm just...not comfortable driving yet." She mumbled the last part, but Josh heard her anyway.

"Not comfortable driving?" This was news to him. "Donna, when was the last time you were behind the wheel of a car?" He knew she had been medically cleared to drive over two weeks earlier.

Donna sighed. She knew there was no getting around the question. "Before Gaza."

"Before-before Gaza?" Josh said. "Then how have you been getting to your PT appointments?"

"I take a cab or the bus."

"But why haven't you-"

"Because every time I try, I have a panic attack, all right?" Donna blurted out. She sighed. "I've tried to get over it, but every time I get behind the wheel of a car and start it…" She trailed off.

"It's like you're right back there." Josh finished.

Donna narrowed her eyes. "How do you know that?" Then, it hit her. "Because that's how it's used to be for you." she concluded. It had been so long since Josh had had an episode that she had nearly forgotten about his PTSD.

Josh nodded. "Listen, I can drive you home, if you want."

"That's really not necessary."

"Are you sure? It's really no trouble."

Something in Josh's genuinely concerned expression made her thaw a little. He really did mean well.

"I guess that would be better than waiting for a cab at this hour." She hesitated. "If you're sure it's not going to be too much trouble."

"Donna." God, what did he have to do to convince her she wasn't a burden? "It's not going to be too much trouble. You drove to my apartment every day when I was shot. Let me return the favor."

Donna swallowed. "Okay. You win. Where's your car?"

Josh pointed out his car as she turned. They walked together, Donna limping badly on her injured leg. He reached out to put his arm around her, and this time she didn't pull away.

As they drove to Donna's apartment, Donna nearly asleep in the passengers' seat from her long day, Josh found his mind wandering. He wanted to help, but he wasn't sure how. Suddenly, it hit him.

He could help her get over her fear of driving. If she could conquer that, then that would go a long way towards fixing some of her other demons. He just hoped he wasn't too late. That their relationship wasn't so strained that it could never get back to where it was before, and that she would allow him to help her.

...

The next morning, Josh drove up to Donna's apartment bright and early. It was Saturday, so there wasn't much traffic. Plus, most parking lots would be empty.

He rang the buzzer for her apartment. After a few minutes, there was an answer.

"Who is it?" Her voice sounded strained, tired, and Josh wondered if he had woken her up.

"Donna, it's me."

"Josh, what are you doing here? At this hour? On a Saturday?"

"Can I come up? Please?"

She didn't answer, but buzzed him in anyway. He took the stairs two at a time and was at her apartment within minutes. He gently knocked.

The door opened, and Josh's eyes widened.

She was dressed, but Josh could tell from her face that she hadn't slept well. Her skin was paler than usual, if that was possible, and there were bags under her eyes. It was obvious she had been putting up a front at work. Again, Josh mentally cursed himself for not giving her more time off, and for sending her on the trip that caused this in the first place.

He was brought back by Donna's voice. "Josh?"

He snapped back to attention. "Hi."

"I asked what you were doing here at 9:00 in the morning. On a Saturday."

"I have an idea."

"And this couldn't wait until a halfway decent hour?" Donna volleyed back. A small smile creeped onto Josh's face. He had missed her bantering with him.

"Not if we want to get out there while there's nobody on the road." Josh replied.

"Nobody on the road? Josh, what are you-"

"I want to help you be able to drive again."

"Oh." Donna said simply. She looked down at her feet and bit her lip. "Look, Josh, when I said that last night, I didn't mean you should help me."

"Well, why not? Donna, if you can get over this, you can start to work on everything else."

"Everything else? What do you mean, everything else?"

Josh chuckled wryly. Just like him, Donna had figured that denial was the best way to deal with her PTSD. "You think I'm not noticing the bags under your eyes that tell me you're not sleeping? That you flinch whenever there's a loud noise outside because to you it all sounds like a bomb?"

Donna looked stricken. Then, she pulled herself together, and went back into neutral mode. "I don't need your sympathy."

"God, Donna, this isn't sympathy! And this isn't pity." He ran his hand through his hair. "Look, do you remember four years ago when you took me to the hospital on Christmas Eve because I put my hand through a window?" She nodded slowly. "You helped me. You knew what was wrong with me before anyone else did. Now, I know I didn't realize it before, but let me help you now."

Donna looked at Josh carefully. She could see the genuine pain and pleading in his eyes. She had hoped that if she hid it well enough, no one would ask questions. But because of her decision to hide her symptoms, she felt all her emotions bottling up and ready to explode out. That's why she had yelled at Larry yesterday. And the exhaustion she felt from being too afraid to close her eyes every night wasn't helping anything.

She stopped herself from spiraling. Maybe, if Josh thought this could help, it was worth a shot.

"Okay." she finally said. "If you think it'll help."

An hour later, they arrived at an empty parking lot in Damascus, Maryland. Josh had picked that area because he knew there wouldn't be that many people around, and less chance of them being stopped.

"You ready?" he asked Donna as he pulled over.

The look on Donna's face said it all. She quickly shook her head. "No."

Josh recognized the look. The look that said fear was taking over her body.

"Donna." He said, grabbing her hand. That got her attention.

"Don't be scared. You've got this. And I'll be right here with you."

Something in Josh's tone calmed Donna's frayed nerves. "Okay."

Her hands trembling, she opened the door, and walked over to Josh's side. She was limping a little, but her leg was definitely better than it had been the night before. Her fear was that her injury would preclude her from being able to do what she needed to do to start healing emotionally.

She stepped into the drivers' seat, acutely aware that this was the first time she had sat there since her accident with the actual intent of driving.

"Okay." Josh said as he closed his door. "We're gonna take this one step at a time. Right now, just see if you can start it without completing freezing up."

Donna nodded. "I can usually start the car fine, but it's after that…"

"Just take a deep breath. Take all the time you need."

Taking a breath, Donna started the car. But, when she went for the gas, she felt the familiar sense of panic overwhelm her.

"Donna?" Josh asked, immediately concerned. He put a hand on her arm.

Donna held back a choked sob. Only Josh was keeping her from melting down completely.

"Just fight the flashback. Push past it." Josh spoke softly, reassuringly, hoping to bring some sense of comfort.

Finally, Donna seemed to pull out of it. "I'm sorry. I don't think I can-"

"Yes, you can." Josh reassured her. "You just have to figure out how to push past the pain and the fear. It takes time, but you can do it. I did."

Suddenly, Donna looked at him, turning the ignition off. "Why are you being so nice to me when all I've done the past six months is push you away?"

Josh looked at her, like he was debating on telling her what he was about to tell her. Then, he spoke: "Leo told me this story once. A guy is walking down the street, and he falls into a hole."

"Josh-" Donna said. "I'm really not in the mood for a sad story."

"Just let me finish," he replied. She went quiet. "This guy's walking down a street, when he falls in a hole. The walls are so steep, he can't get out. A doctor passes by, and the guy shouts up, 'Hey you! Can you help me out?' The doctor writes him a prescription, throws it down the hole and moves on. Then a priest comes along and the guy shouts up 'Father, I'm down in this hole, can you help me out?' The priest writes out a prayer, throws it down in the hole and moves on. Then a friend walks by. 'Hey Joe, it's me, can you help me out?' And the friend jumps in

the hole. Our guy says 'Are you stupid? Now we're both down here!' and the friend says,

'Yeah, but I've been down here before, and I know the way out.'"

Donna's eyes filled with tears as the message of the story hit her. "Oh, Josh. I'm sorry I shut you out."

"And I'm sorry that I couldn't see what was happening." Josh said. He reached out and pushed Donna's hair behind her ear.

Donna pulled back a little. "I'm ready to try again."

"You are?" Josh asked, surprised. "Are you sure?"

She nodded. "Yes."

Turning to face the wheel, she turned the key again. This time, although she felt the all-too-familiar panic coming on, she took Josh's advice. She found herself shocked by how well it worked. By pushing the pain back, she was able to focus on what was in front of her.

Slowly, she stepped on the gas and began to pull forward.

"That's it! You're doing it!" Josh exclaimed. He watched in amazement as Donna drove the entire length of the parking lot, turned, and then came back the other way.

As soon as she stopped, she grinned. "I can't believe I actually did it!" She looked at Josh in disbelief. "I didn't think it would work."

"It did." Josh said, smiling. "Just remember, I'm always here for you."

Donna's face grew serious. "You're always gonna be there for me?"

"You bet." Josh affirmed.

Suddenly, as if the heavens themselves had pushed them together, Donna leaned toward Josh.

"What are you doing?" Josh asked, surprised but not displeased.

"Doing what I should've done the moment I saw you in that hospital room." Donna replied. And before Josh knew what was happening, they were kissing passionately.

As they pulled apart, they just stared at each other, both in awe of what they had just done and scared about what came next. But they knew that whatever came next, they would face it together.


End file.
